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Why Joy Might Feel Completely Out of Reach Right Now
Joy can be hard to access when you're running on no sleep, your hormones are in free fall, and every moment feels like a demand.
Add on any of these layers, and joy might not be on the menu for a while—and that's completely understandable:
Sleep Deprivation
Your brain literally can't regulate emotions properly without rest. The fog you feel isn't a character flaw—it's biology.
Hormonal Chaos
Postpartum hormones are a rollercoaster. Estrogen and progesterone plummet while your body tries to recalibrate. This affects mood, energy, and emotional resilience.
History of Trauma
If you experienced childhood trauma, neglect, or difficult relationships, motherhood can trigger old wounds. This isn't weakness—it's how trauma works.
Postpartum Depression or Anxiety
These conditions affect 1 in 5 new mothers. They're medical conditions, not moral failings. And they're treatable with the right support.
Lack of Support
If your partner isn't helping, family is distant, or friends have drifted, you're doing this alone. That isolation makes everything harder.
Identity Shift
You're grieving who you were before. Your independence, career identity, spontaneity, even your body. That grief is real and deserves space.
That doesn't mean you don't love your child. It doesn't mean you're not a good mom. It means you're human.
Your struggle doesn't cancel out your love. Both exist at the same time, and that's okay.
Rewriting the Narrative: How Your Thoughts Shape Your Experience
We often carry an internalized story that moms should be grateful, present, and fulfilled at all times. When our lived experience doesn't match, shame sets in.
That shame keeps us silent and suffering. But what if we could rewrite the story?
The Thought-Feeling-Behavior Connection (CBT)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. When we change one, we can shift the entire cycle.
"I should be enjoying this."
This thought creates a gap between expectation and reality, triggering shame and self-blame.
Burnt out, guilty, inadequate
Your brain tries to reconcile the mismatch by blaming you, which deepens the emotional pain.
"This is really hard right now, and that doesn't make me a bad mom."
This reframe acknowledges reality while removing self-blame, creating space for self-compassion.
Letting Go of "Should": Permission to Feel What You Actually Feel
The word "should" is a heavy weight. It carries judgment, comparison, and impossible standards. Let's practice replacing it with reality.
You don't have to enjoy every diaper blowout or 2 a.m. wake-up. You don't have to feel blissful while bouncing a crying baby on your hip.
You are allowed to dislike parts of motherhood. The sleeplessness. The loss of autonomy. The physical recovery. All of it.
Asking for help isn't weakness. It's wisdom. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you shouldn't have to try.
Instead of Chasing Joy, Look for Micro-Moments of Relief
You don't need to feel constant joy. You just need tiny moments of relief, connection, or calm. These small joys don't erase the hard—but they do soften it.
By yourself in the kitchen, even if it's just for 30 seconds.
Something that makes you laugh, even for a moment, is medicine.
Connection, even digital, reminds you that you're not alone.
Not the crying, not the chaos—just the quiet, peaceful moments.
Even if it's only 5 minutes, it's a reset for your nervous system.
A tiny victory that feels like luxury.
You're Not Alone: How Therapy Can Help
If motherhood feels nothing like what you imagined, you don't have to carry that weight by yourself.
Therapy can help you untangle the stories you've internalized, process grief or rage, and learn new ways to cope with the overwhelm.
What Therapy for Overwhelmed Moms Looks Like
No judgment. No "you should be grateful." Just honest conversation about what you're really experiencing.
CBT techniques, thought reframing, self-compassion practices, and nervous system regulation strategies you can use in real time.
The person you were before doesn't exist anymore. That's worth grieving. Therapy gives you space to mourn and rebuild.
If your childhood was hard, motherhood can trigger those old patterns. Therapy helps you break the cycle.
If you're experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, therapy (and sometimes medication) can be life-changing. You don't have to white-knuckle through this.
Your therapist won't tell you to be more grateful or try harder. They'll help you see that struggling doesn't make you a bad mom—it makes you human.
From "I'm Failing" to "I'm Doing Enough"
One client came to therapy convinced she was a terrible mother because she didn't feel joy. She'd scroll social media and see other moms glowing, while she felt numb and exhausted.
Through therapy, we:
- Unpacked her belief that "good moms feel joy all the time"
- Identified her undiagnosed postpartum anxiety
- Practiced self-compassion instead of self-blame
- Created micro-rituals that brought her small moments of relief
- Explored her relationship with her own mother and how it was shaping her experience
Six months later, she told me: "I still don't love every moment. But I don't hate myself for it anymore. And that's changed everything."
Joy May Return—Or It May Look Different Than You Expected
Here's the truth: joy may come back. Or it may arrive in unexpected forms—not the Instagram-perfect moments you imagined, but quieter, more real.
What Joy Might Actually Look Like (When It Returns)
Your toddler's laugh when they're being silly, and you actually have the energy to laugh with them
The moment your baby finally sleeps through the night and you wake up feeling like yourself again
A quiet morning where you actually drink your coffee warm and feel present
The first time you go out with friends and don't feel guilty the whole time
Watching your child discover something new and feeling wonder instead of exhaustion
The deep relief of finally having support and not doing everything alone
Pin this article to your "Mental Health," "New Mom Support," or "Postpartum Survival" board so you can come back to it when you need the reminder that you're not alone.
Continue Your Journey
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Jana Rundle
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
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